put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
