Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
