i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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