Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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