i barfeds in our rink
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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