Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
