my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
