this beer tastes like vomit already
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you never un-have a 4some
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
