It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
