I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
