I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
