and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
