So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
