I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
