She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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