But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
