i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
