don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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