Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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