Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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