yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
