Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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