I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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