Got a toothbrush?
I CAN MOONWALK!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
this boner is exhausting
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
