Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
