Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
