Im at strip club and am horny
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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