guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
