you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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