That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
