dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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