Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
