i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
