Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
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he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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