Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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