Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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