Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
