evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
