After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
