well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
