I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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