So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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