you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
