I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
