I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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