i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
