OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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