I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
