my vag is so smooth its legendary
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
