We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
