So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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