dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
