We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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