I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
