Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
