i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
