I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize