so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
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You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
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She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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