I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
