I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
