This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
