Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
