I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
