Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
