My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
