So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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