If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
