Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
